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good………..night…….morning…nightorning……….. e_e

• 13 Mar 17th 6AM

Nuff of that wall of text. Wow. This was also hidden away in that old archaic pile of poop. This was supposed to be second tattoo. Many discussions with my lovely Claudia Lee. Among other things…hahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahhaha. w0w. This was supposed to go on my back. Eh. I just don’t like the aesthetics of it like I used to it. STILL DEEPLY IN LOVE AND MARRIED ETERNALLY to the concept of it though. But ink is 1/2 meaning and 1/2 looking, for me anyway. If you can vibe with me on the idea around this concept, h m u we will instantaneously be better friends. Swear.

Ya I did design this myself. The little triangle thingies I attribute to this image I found of a compass on some blog. I am sincerely sorry for forgetting that kinda credit. ^_^V

My favorite is where NE points. What a coincidence though…where I hope to go to college, knock on wood.!!

• 13 Mar 17th 6AM

I chose life, Renton

What happens when you end up living till age 70? In a society where they encourage you to make choices, whatever the consequences, as if every day is your last? Ugh where is middle ground..is there even a middle ground? Do we all just need to make a choice? Live life with no expectations of a tomorrow, have fun at that moment, even if you’re pretty much guaranteed to end up in a big pile of shit. Or live life planning, missing the fun in the moment, so that you avoid a big pile of shit…that may never even happen…but better safe than sorry….?

-_-

Apparently this is what makes life exciting.
But really it just seems cruel -_-

What if I chose neither? What option would that be? I’m not living life blind to the future, or blind to the present. BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO BOTH. You just cannot half ass those kinds of benefits and consequences.

Renton chose not to choose life. He chose heroin. Can I choose something else? What if I just had a goal in mind, that I wanted to achieve. That’s it. I need a goal. Well, I  have one. I want to be able to produce all the movies that I want to see, that I think other people would want to see, to help them connect with other people. Empathize. Point out different flaws in society, and the perks. The positives. Everything. Movies are a medium for so much. I want to be a part of the world that brings them to life.

Yes, that is my goal. With this goal in mind, I plan for the future. With just this goal in mind, I can also focus on my present. I know where I want to go, so as long as I am geared up on that path, I can enjoy everything else.

God. That’s it. That’s the right choice. A goal. A vision for the future that you want to spend your whole life achieving—a reason to live. A reason that has you living.

The right choice, is, in fact, neither. WHO IN THE WORLD said that it had to be one or the other? That the choice WAS one, or, the other?

You can have a plan for the future and enjoy life’s moments. A person never had to choose from the two……..never………. There was always a third choice, the real choice, the life choice: Know what you want from life. And on your way, enjoy everything life has to offer. In the process, maybe your goal will change. That’s fine. You have a new want in life, pursue it, and still, take in everything life gives you on your way!

Fuck whoever first told anyone that it was one or the other. What a cruel trick. And now you have teenagers who feel that to YOLO means blinding yourself to the future. That one had to let go of any possibility of achieving a dream in order to enjoy life’s present moments. What bullshit. You can have both. You can do both.

I pray to God my friends, my peers, and their friends, and their peers

realize this.

Damn son, 16 Rose:2 // 17 Rose: 0……. I will say that my dreams have. actually. changed. since then, har har har irony. I don’t think I want to be involved in the movie industry nearly as much as I used to back then. I think I’ve become more familiar with my natural niche as a writer… but I don’t want to be a write either. It’s zo hard to be a successful one T.T

Would you guys drop $20 for a hard copy written by yours truly? Would ya? Show me it’s real!! Hahahaha.

This makes me recall the reason why I never again referred to movies “films” ever again. Movies will be movies. A little birdy—no, a big birdy, probably the biggest female birdy in the movie critic business, PAULINE KAEL, LOOK HER UP WHEN YOU CAN, once said that the word “film” was much too pretentious to her liking. It struck a chord with me. I’ve been calling movies, movies, ever since. Lol. It also pains me that have to include the extra subsection of “female”, instead of being able to accurately call her “biggest birdy”. I needed to be accurate and call her “biggest female birdy”. Meh. Whatever. That’s an issue for later. Or perhaps of the past. Who knows, maybe perusing through these archives will have me come across another profanity stained opinionated  piece on genders.

Actually, I feel like I’ve already done that sometime long ago. on this very tumblr. Something about the power of femininity being next to the none in comparison to the power of the BRAIN. John Smith and Jane Smith had same lookin brains, man. And same lookin hearts. That’s saying something.

will be going back and tagging all of this lol

• 13 Mar 17th 6AM

Yet another post I have no idea why it was on private. 16 year old Rose continues to elude me. The things is, this was me….just..about…300 something days ago. I have really bad memory. Or do I move on quickly????????? The latter sounds much more positive. I’ll go with dat ^_^

This is here only because this old post epitomizes the “why was this private” question that seems to the theme of this 6AM night.

The first time I watched this movie was on an airplane and I remember thoroughly enjoying it. I feel fortunate for having stumbled upon it. I remember watching it in a light-hearted mood with only the romantic interest between Moore and Duchovny’s characters in mind throughout; or at least, until the suicide, I guess. Now, knowing full well how things would end, I watched this movie from beginning to end with a terribly heavy heart. I don’t know how anyone could want such luxury items after seeing this movie.

I’ve also seemed to developed an appreciation for watching movies a second time. It makes you catch on to a lot more things when you aren’t focusing all your energies on what’s to come next.

• 13 Mar 17th 5AM

• 13 Mar 17th 5AM

I dug up my private tumblr from a year ago. And am now wondering what it was that I was so scared of that I needed to put this on my private tumblr and not my public one. Well, I guess being a year older now gives me a foot step closer to “fuck my loud mouth, but fuck you more”. Please excuse the excess of profanity. This wasn’t cleaned up because this wasn’t intended for anyone to read. LOL. But here you go, with 20/20 hindsight kicking into gear. With beautiful commentary that you probably care less for even more so than this post itself!!!!

“Her anger was beautiful. To see a woman, especially a white appearing woman, show anger towards the injustices perpetuated by racism is so enthralling. Mind you, just being angry doesn’t give her a gold medal for understanding, but it does show that not all white appearing women are cold, unforgiving, racists. That certainly gives me hope.”

^ I believe, if memory serves, what happened was: there was a video with a white women speaking out against racism. That video was great, this comment kind of twisted up that greatness.

how the fuck are you gonna talk about being anti-racism when your entire statement is one giant fucking contradiction. who the fuck said all white women were cold, unforgiving, racists? is that not racist? that you need something to prove to you that “all white … women” are not as you described? what the fuck? what if it was a black woman, outraged in the same manner as the white woman. would it not be as enthralling to you? because she was black? it wouldn’t give you hope?

i understand you come from a good place when you said this, but fucking think about the shit you say.

i believe the bigger picture, which racism is a definite part of, is the fact that everyday ideals and situations, or what should be everyday, are not, in fact, everyday. we see people getting congratulated and put on a pedestal for doing the right thing. fuck. doing the right thing should be commonplace. that is the problem we face in today’s society. one of the biggest, and also the easily one of the most overlooked. this white woman, speaking out against racism, is special and rare. my point is, IT SHOULDN’T BE. and the sad thing, because it is rare, it is accordingly displayed as such. it’s like the chicken or the fucking egg and it drives me nuts.

we see people see getting congratulated and popularized for being unique and uncommon. it shouldn’t be uncommon. we are all unique if we’d just acknlowedge it.

and you know what

lol shit I touch bases with this later on BUT WOW DID I DIGRESS!!! excuse, or do not excuse, the change that killed the dinosaurs.

you can LIKE FOREVER 21, LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER, LIKE THE MOST MAINSTREAM SHIT IN THE WORLD AND BE UNIQUE.

our uniqueness is not defined by such vapid standards. if it were, god have pity on us. no, we are all unique by default. you were born unique, and no amount of mainstream or not mainstream shit can change that. so like the things you like. hate the things you hate. the problem lies in the fact that people begin to force themselves to “like” other things for the sake of being what society, and culture, deems is unique and necessary to be special. which is one big ol fucking contradiction, isn’t it?

i’m sick and tired of seeing people drop their real interests for what the masses has decided should be their interests, in order to be cool and unique.

ive just ended with a completely different topic than what ive started out with……………

Now before I leave this here to kinda settle into your dashboard, or become a small speck in the ever expanding cyberspace of tumblr, I would like to leave a disclaimer for you excited azz bitches:

I post this not to echo any current thoughts, feelings, or opinions. It’s merely something I found today of yesteryear that I feel, now, should not have been so cowardly hidden away.

I am also not saying I would voice my opinion on this topic (topicS? lol) in the same way my 16 year old self did. Definitely not.But I ain’t got time to edit and I sure as hell ain’t got the energy at this UNGODLY HOUR for someone who has not slept since the other day e_e so enjoi the quote on quote on quote

or don’t.

Hey, this post was one part nostalgia sentimentalia and one part  manifesting one of the defining changes from my 16 to 17 (to almost 18) age transition. Therapeutic, in a way, for an up and coming birthday gurl!!! :)

• 13 Mar 17th 5AM

The showcase will take place Feb. 8 at Tokyo International Forum Hall.

Program director Yoon Seok-ho,[….] will take part.

……………

I’m going to Tokyo next year.

• 13 Mar 17th 2AM